He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
