i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am naked and annoyed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
