Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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