hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need a beard to bite.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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