People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
