You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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