Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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