And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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