nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
