mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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