just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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