I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
