That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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