Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
