Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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