hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
