No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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