Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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