Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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