I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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