and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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