My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
