I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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