Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
