Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she looked like the before picture.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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