i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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