Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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