He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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