we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
