i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
