we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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