It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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