I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
