We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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