Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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