you have to choose: penises or morals?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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