Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
