So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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