Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
