He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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