How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
