Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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