so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
