Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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