oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
