She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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