remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
