I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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