He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
