I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
