I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
